Back in the day, when one was a teenager our best kept and hidden secret was a diary or some photos (you know those printed ones). Well, since we stepped into the era of internet and from there the era of facebook and such sites and apps, it is all out there, and here I start sharing my inner thoughts with the entire world.
I consider myself an artist, not yet quite sure what type of it, but calling myself a performance artist is the best bet so far. Circus artist is just such an utterly scary big word for someone who have not yet spent 10+ years being run away with it, dancer also is such a work I keep for those very well respected ones actually capable of wonders in movement.
Well, this can be as much a compliment as an insult, as the talent, work and involvement levels are so varied here. Burlesque surely is my choice of style of performance.
I try and train daily to become a good aerial artist, actually I aim to be one of the bests. I set the goal high, because from there if I fail I still be a good aerial artist, but if my goal is just to be an acceptable one I might end up being a crappy one, which makes no sense at all.
I have no good explanation how I ended up doing all this that I do now. As a child I was terrified by anything dangerous, I never dared climbing up anything and I was always amazed by the brave girls hanging from the monkey bars, but never ever dared to do it myself. I was very shy too, if I had to talk in front of others I started to cry of humiliation.
I guess figure skating was the first breakthrough for me, still I had no idea what and why I was doing.
My singular talent ever was not giving up on myself, it was nothing conscious though. As a weak little girl I always dreamed of being strong, being a fighter (I rather thought I would become involved with martial arts than performance, but I guess in this day and age this is quite an option). I used to have these nightmare of being chased and not being able to run away, like being paralyzed all of a sudden, well, now these nightmares turned into video game like dreams where I am chasing and killing zombies (too much walking dead watching lately :P) and beating up men (insert men hating rant).
What am I good at?
I like to consider myself creative. I have a good imagination (pro: creaticity, con: paranoia). I never had to steal ideas or copy thanks to this, and also thanks to this, instead of having one or two strong numbers I have like 10+ rather scattered, never finished numbers in various states of evolvement. This is the mess I am trying to clean up now with diligent work.
There is the question of when should we put a show and with it ourselves on stage?
No good answer for this, I believe.
In an ideal world, you born with the clear idea of becoming a circus artist, you do all the training from very early on, you end up finishing your studies in one of the best circus schools without any detour and by the age of 20 you headline the best shows…
Well, no need to mention how not ideal this big bad world is.
I belong to the group of artists that have gone on stage with a serious lack of skills for the first times, I learned on the way, and I keep learning… and I learned the hard way…
At this point I find it the best to get on stage like midway, so at a point where you do have some good skills, but I would not wait until your skills are the most, because there are too much to actually learn on stage to postpone it too long.