Monthly Archives: January 2015


This might be shameless self promotion or just a couple of thougths thrown together about my long awaited new project.

Aerial costume making


As a self taught dressmaker (and pretty much self taught anything else) I started to sew aerial costumes around 2010 for my own acts. Before that I’ve seen too many crappy, not-well done and also overpriced pieces of costume, mostly in the stripper world, but also in the circus scene, here the not well done, poorly designed costumes.

Here’s a great read about circus costumes, says it all.

I remember seeing my friend’s new costumes by a well recognised Bcn costume maker from the strippy circuits, that costed her each 200-300 euros plus, with zigzag stitches all over the place, but to such extent, that I wondered how a “professional” can charge for that, while your mother does a better job on a broken pedal singer from the 50’s. And my friend after spending this money trying to fix these leotards that just didn’t seem to fit anywhere. (I mean a lycra onesie, not a metalic corset…)

I also remember fixing messes right before stage time for friends during pole shows.

So since my first pieces were heavily complimented and also borrowed for photo sessions, and proved to be durable, against the fact that I really can’t be bothered to do my dresses on a professional level, although I can. I figured that at some point I should think about selling costumes.


Circa 2007-2008. I accepted some proposals from strippers to make costumes.

Summing it up:


Rude, pushy, pain in the ass bitches trying to convince how another costumist just did a whole nicer, bigger, better piece for a sum of money, that would not even cover the textile… Did I mention, that they are never content with the results either?


I commited my errors and learned, so althought I am well capable to create or copy a design upon request, I decided not to. It is a comfort zone thing. I shall leave moving out of mine for high flying aerial work, not for dressmaking.

Now to share my titbits and methods.


I always loved lace, lingerie, burlesque, pasties and semi-transparence. I always disliked lycra.

Lycra gives that figure skater / rythmic gymnastic feel.

I am damn great in decoration, pearling and also embroidery.

So, my main designs go with the materials I love.

Pearling I might leave for special requests as if I was to charge by the working hour nobody would pay the due price.

I figured out pretty soon after making my first piece that lace itself is just not thick enough to prevent burnings on the silk, but as we know, I dislike lycra, so I was looking for another fabric to back my lace material up and save myself from burns.

The one best working for me is elastic tull, it’s solf and added as an under layer to the lace also has a more skin like texture. (with the advantage of not making you sweat like a pig on a hot summer gig – like lycra would)


Since I had to start with a home sewing machine, I figured out ways to make my stitches more stretchy instead of going for the general zigzag (blahhh, zigzag is like the signature of unprofessional), the one zigzag I use is the triple zigzag stitch, that you can generally see on lingerie, hence my liking of using it over lace endings.


Now I own an industrial overlock… (which was considered garbage, before I took an afternoon to clean it), my good old (17 years with momma) brother home sewing machine and a cover stitch machine under renovation.


Let me not lie. I am not good with straight lines, I have over 17 years using sewing machines and I still fuck it up. So I avoid them and as I don’t want to sew corsetry I guess I can get away with this.

What can you expect from my produce?


Even my shittily sewn ones are keeping up with the shows.


So they won’t fall into a million pieces during your first rehearsal. Mostly double secured endings and a lot more hidden rubberband that you can imagine so ends don’t get wobbly and wavy after two washes, and hopefully won’t cause a tit blink out ruining an outstanding contorsion move in 10 meters high.


Detailed work.

(my costume making dream come true would be a fully pearled bodysuit…. payed by the hour of course)

Nice insides and ending.

Nope, you won’t see zigzag, where overlock should go, no way.

Call me overpriced, but I won’t underprice never no more.

I will still be figuring my way with the cover stitch machine, but I realized since my other methods worked I could throw myself in the market.

Here’s the link:


Health, strength and all those funky diets – My two cents on eating and other internal ways of maintaining your health


I have always been a skinny sickish child. That went on most of my life until I, myself started to become aware of many things and researching many other things.

Since the morning of the modern age set upon us our health got out of control so much we do not even realize yet.

Our parents, with all their good will were wrong on so many levels about raising us, educating us and even feeding us.

They bought in the new era, faster everything, fancier everything. Kid’s sick? No problem! Buy what the Tv tells you.

I think in Hungary we were still moderately lucky, as it did not take such mass, moms still frequented markets and cooked meals for their children.

Yet the traditional diet is nothing to call healthy.
(meat with meat with grease, fried in lard with white break, potatoes are the main vegetables, etc., dairy shoved down the throats of children as health, etc.)

Your personal diet

You are what you eat, to repeat it the millionth time. Instead of telling you how your head will resemble a giant E. Coli ridden hamburger, that was made of hundreds of abused cows, I ask.

Do you know what you eat?

Do you know what is that? Really?

I started and also ended (not in a bad sense) my diet journey with the paleo diet, which was hitting jackpot at first…


Diets are not religions!!

This is where people make the biggest mistake, they overmisticise their diet plan, they BELIEVE! You should never believe! Listen to your body, try and adjust.

So you still wanna believe?

No worries, I also wanted to believe quite badly, that one book’s magic word can completely work for me, but I was wrong. Yet, I was not as wrong as people not giving a single shit about their diet and swallows a pharmacy with any occuring health issue or the glimpse of pain. (The religion of pills, the other topic, which I get to later here)

Some believe in down to the letter strick paleo. Some believe in vegan lifestyle, some believe in supplementing everything, some believe in superfoods, etc.

We suppose that we already know that diet is not for loosing or gaining weight, but to be optimally healthy.

Nutricionists are a great help, but can someone really tell you what is best for you other than your own body?

You should never wholly buy into any diet, as so you need to adjust any diet to your own body. (Obviously without exageration, so don’t call yourself a vegetarian if you eat meat twice a week)

Instead of trying to follow a diet down to the letter, start turning the products around and read the ingredient, you will be very surprised.

Me and my journey

I started paleo, I believed in paleo. I read the bibles of paleo. After almost two years I took a big step back and adjusted it.
I also tried vegetarianism, it was an interesting experience, but was not fully for me. I like meat.

I never had weight problems, in fact my problem was always being kinda too skinny. Out of this fact, I always did the carb boosted version of the paleo diet, because I am a carb burner not a fat burner (there was never much to burn) and when I tried the strict paleo I failed big time!

I also had these massive resentments and guilts going on during the first period of my paleo journey. That was fucked up.

The problem has never the been the casual sunday afternoon hot chocolate, it has been the complete lack of interest and knowledge in and about my diet.

I started to train circus in 2009. I was told how I should go for more sugary things for energy. I did, I was constipated all the time…no exagerration.

I could never imagine that I could be without eating bread with everything, unbelievable, but it only took two weeks to get off.

Why do I like paleo?

I like paleo, because it encourages us to eat FRESH. From the butcher, from the market, even the pre-made things should be made by you.

Because it is the one diet that emphasises the importance of reducing the amount of refined sugars we eat.

It is a lifestyle not a two-weeks get skinny detox scam.

It is not math. (Who wants to count calories?)

It is quite adjustable.

You can still have a double cheese pizza once in a while without the following eyes of the paleo police force.

Once you get the trick of it, it is easy to maintain.

Me and the dairy

I loved milk, I loved cheese. I started paleo and learned soon after that I was lactose intolerant…How? I stopped my crazy daily intake of milk, then I decided to cheat meal and boom there it was.

Basically my body was disfunctioning over most of my life trying to digest milk. Now, if I drink milk my stomack hurts and my face gets covered in little red spots. (nothing I cannot live with though, but unpleasant enough to not want)

Also, the continous constipation of an entire life. That was shocking. I spent 27 years struggling with snots, sore throat and cough. While the solution was stop taking dairy product by the litre.

Then pregnancy came and I had massive yogurt cravings and surprise, surprise my bodies general reactions were not there. So I got told, it is because of the baby that I can temporarily better digest dairy, but if I eat too much I still get a stomach ache.

So after some research I broadened my diet with goat yogurt and goat cheese, that is something less industrialized, maybe. (I digest the yogurt better, though) We see what happens once baby is born.

What is in milk now and what was in milk 50 years ago?

‘Milk industry’ has industry in it, think about it. Growth hormones antibiotic or just the bad karma of tortured little cows. 50 years ago that cow might have been happily walking around a green field and your milk might have not been, pasteurised, depasteurised and repasteurised and all over again, depraved and added is original benefits.

Me and gluten

Gluten, oh gluten. The main, unacceptable paleo enemy…
Well, I have no celiac, so I absolutely can cheat that way.

But! Oh but! I happen to be an athlete (circus artist, whatever :P), so when it comes to performance and strenght I do feel the difference.

Gluten has the same modern disease as dairy.


Processed, reprocessed and requeteprocessed. Pesticized, imported, etc.

Me and legumes

Beans are a no way for me, yet lentils and chickpeas (hummus, yummy) are fine.

Adding baking soda to the soaking water (because you soak your ingredients yourself, right?) also helps take the gassing effect and the supposingly the toxic values of them, also make cooking a trillion times faster.

Then comes hormones and antiobiotics in meat, that are my current research…

So far as for baby health I am almost vegetarian, for meat I try to go with rabbit and horse mostly. ( I would say I eat meat twice a week, and twice a week seafood or fish, small fish)

Topic is endless surely ba back with more.

Just another paleo recipe ‘crazy cat lady’

Here I start as just another paleo fanatic crazy healthy bitch with her recipes…ha

Thing is.

The best part of the entire paleo diet is it’s bakery. The cakes the cookies, etc.

Many criticise the paleo, because of the amount of meat involved, but most people forget to underline how it’s sugar, milk and glutenfree bakery really rocks.

But! When I started my little paleo baking outings I fastly realized that most of the recipes require waaay too many not easily accessible ingredients. So to bake a paleo cake takes massive preparation.

Now, almost two years later I have a very well equipped paleo household, but I still struggle to have it ALL, that a paleo cake recipe might require…

Then there’s one thing that I was somehow able to inherit from my Mother, her creativity with recipes! Or you might as well can call it logical baking skills…

My thing:

Be creative

Be flexible

Eye measure

So here goes recipe no. 1.

Not strict paleo oat cookies


250g of oat

0.5 litre of oatmilk (cuz soaking oats in ricemilk just seems awkward)

Berries of choice(smaller better) or whatever you wanna put in it

Chopped almonds, nuts, whatever once again

1 tablespoon of coconut oil

1 egg

Honey(1-2 tablespoon), or stevia (couple of drops), or agave syrup (not for the pregnant, as said by Dr. Google)

Bit of salt

1/2 teaspoon of baking soda

Soak the oats, (I just put it in a tupper in the fridge the day before, but you can go for shorter soaking time)
Mix all together, melt the coconut oil before adding, because it can get chunky otherwise.
It should be runny like oatmeal.
Put down baking paper and 40 mins in the oven (180-200 degrees)
2-3 tablespoon of mass for one cookie for bigger cookies, 1 tablespoon for small cookies (30 min baking)

I like it not too dry so if you want your cookies really dry go for more baking time.

Dark chocolate chip and cocoa oat cookies


Same ingredients, but instead of berries with approx 100-150g of chopped dark(70%) chocolate and 4 tablespoon of pure cocoa. I also added cinnamon to the mix. This has a less runny texture, as it has more powders in it.

1 tablespoon of mass per cookie.

30 min baking.

The taste is amazing, but if you are not a big fan of dark chocolate you might wanna add more sweetening too.

My criticism of the Burlesque top 50.

This post has been inspired by the yearly Burlesque top 50. Which is based on online voting.

I have been following the Burlesque top 50 for the last years, at the beginning I found it upsetting seeing the lack of, or only one or two European performers on the list. Since Europe has a very beautiful scene going on with loads of mentionable people.(!!)

Yet, mostly I would say the last 3 years the number of European girls started to grow, which I found delightful.

But this year, I am sorry to say that, it just starts to get into the regular scheme of the fame game.

So when voting started my facebook wall was sprouting with performers asking for votes… Which is fine, promote your thing, but shouldn’t this list be about something else, something more??

Contribution to the industry?

So, XY performer, OMG! What an achievement was performing internationally! Including going to the US!!

Really? Is it the person writing the description being too vague or what?

I honestly cannot form an opinion how accurate is the list over US performers, but when I read Sassy MacBurlesquer is a long time community contributor, the owner of the Sassy MacBurlesque School, organizer, producer, performer and archeologist (or let the list be the half), then I think, wow nice job there!

But when mentions of people that one hardly hears of, or at most, there’s a ‘do you know who she is?’ And silence, I kinda get icky.

Call me jealous, but you kinda know I am talking accurate shit right here.

Let me be clear. It is not about the time anyone spent in the industry. (because that measurement is for punks of the 90’s) I have seen people come and go. I have met gorgeous performers, that I have shamefully never heard of before going to a certain festival and meeting them personally.

There’s just so many performers, that I think you seriously need to be the bestest, the uniquest to be mentioned there only for your performerness.(I would mention people like Vicky Butterfly, Lada Redstar, Cleo Vipers, Sharon Davis – yet, their shit is not only and exclusively performerness already)


Excuse me? I personally have no way to be national, since Spain is dead on the burlesque end. (We have what? A show every 3 months, and one school, you don’t even know of, and ehm, 2 and a half performers)

Going to the US of A.

Who goes there?

Bear the truth. Who has the money! Who has the money to buy the somewhat costly tickets, pay the hotel, or be lucky to have a friend wiling to put her up, etc-etc. Setting up an international tour for yourself is in no way childsplay, sometimes even just dropping over to London to perform ends in loosing more money than gaining.

If you are from the UK, pretty much dropping over to the old continent for an unpaid(!) festival gets you to be counted as an OMG! international performer.

Let’s just stop praising people working for free, shall we? Not even a festival, because the producers should drop at least a “symbolic” fee.

The lie of online networking

So your boyfriend is a video editor, a web designer or a photographer…

I don’t even need to continue how misleading web presence can be. I have girls claiming to have ongoing burlesque classes, that have never existed. Greatly cut showreels, that covered horrid performances. (You know there is a reason behind no circus festival accepts cut videos…) Or just simply an online presence of a full-time performer, while you happen to perform once a month in a local show…

And now let me talk about people in Europe worth my special mention and possibly many not getting a mention in that top 50.

Emma Mylan

Here I would say, if you don’t know her, you are not international at all. And if you were hired by her I would count you in on any gig I was ever to organize in the future (with a little exageration).

Who is Emma?

Emma is the producer of Oh la la! Cherie! In Zurich, the owner of Secret Follies burlesque school in Geneva, organizer of the Zurich burlesque festival, pretty much the biggest burlesque producer in Switzerland and one of the former artistic directors of Palais Mascotte (she left in 2010) oh, and btw, she is also a performer. Surely enough she is also a great person and a close friend.

Miss Anne Thropy

Former Paris, current Brussels performer, producer and the artistic director of the legendary sometimes chaotic Palais Mascotte, crazy bitch, zumba enthusiast and trainer (or to be trainer, not sure) and did you know she is a singer too?

Someone should already give her a crown or a couple of awards for her performance, because she is gooood! (Getting me to say that of a classic burlesque dancer is no small deal, or I am just working hard on being rehired next year after the baby, lol)

Lou on the Rocks

The former student of the two mentioned above. (You would not know)
In the last two years she made a hell of a career on the scene. I wanted to pick her as my choice for “only as a performer”, but she produces a couple of shows here and there, but only regarding her international performing, she is one INTERNATIONAL lady. She also is a great tattoo artist.

Juliette Dragon

This is my risky choice, since I do not know her personally, but I know, that she is one core persona of the French and Paris scenes, school owner, Paris Burlesque Festival producer, musician and performer.

Glory Pearl

One can only love a lady that knows to mix pole dance and burlesque… and humor. She also writes…

Why her?

Because she is brilliant, one lady to sweep you off your feet with her brains, we need more of that in burlesque, seriously. We need more women to write well written articles, blogs and less hashtags and selfies. So #intelligentburlesque !

Velma von Bon Bon

We met, but due to running order, I never saw her performing. I want to mention her for achievement… in training! Other than being supercomic and very original. Burlesque, circus performer and compere.

I love to see people taking the circus road, it inspires me and gives me strength to go on myself (and believe me, once I pop this baby out in 5 months time I will be needing serious strength and inspiration to jump back into heavy training)

Lada Redstar

Ok, ok, everybody mentions Lada, there is always a whole lot of a fuss around Lada, how amazing, beautiful, blabla.

She is pure glamour in the veins. Not my all time favorite classic style performer, but there is no going around Lada at the European end of this industry, multiple award winning, etc.

But the thing is.

She does a lot more than just spending a shitload of money on her costumes. She sings and she does a radio show with Lady Lou, which is quite something to mention. She also is one of the very intelligent and educated ones. (She speaks more languages than I do, that is at least 5-6 languages fluently)

Betty Q

She is the corner stone of the Polish scene. She went on mainstream TV and made it big, which is a very-very big of a deal in an eastern european country, or I think in Hungary it would be. Producer, burlesque teacher. She is supercute, very flamboyant in the good sense of it and takes her burlesque seriously.

Chaz and Betty

Another of the no going around them situation. Chaz was big before, but what they achieved together is a lot bigger. I think Chaz was a smart man to tie the know with this lady.

And that is a short list… maybe I add some more later on.

The Voliére experience – Reality checks in – vol. 2.

8.30 we took the bus to arrive at 10 am, taken directly to the venue to start rehearsals. We were screamed and yelled to start fast, cuz there was a short timeframe and too many coreographies.

We were not asked if we needed water up until 12-13 pm, let alone breakfast or lunch.

No warm up time either.

Rehearsals in 30-40 degrees celsius, 10+ hours of dance rehearsals daily, on a half done stage with our decoration artist working with supertoxic materials next to us, including finishing the stage itself.

Personal drama lovepack:

My Mr. was given a barman job a month before, he had been cancelling the works of his own company to be able to come and work with us. He had a funky feeling, se he talked to the directorissima various times to reassure the thing was not a set up. He also made it clear that he was coming for me and in desperate need of a job.

Needless to say, it was a set up.

So, in her car she drops between two giggles, that ohh hon, the job of ya boy, well, giggle, I dunno, gotta talk to Fernando, cuz it kinda looks like it is not happening.

Woahhhh!! My mouth open of digrace.

First of all, my Mr. is a first class bartender, worked at the poshest places in Bcn before, second, nobody asked no favour, he sent his CV, they fell in love with it, they choose him. Supposedly.

I obviously call my man, who happens to get mad and send tha bitch back where she belongs along with the half pimp of the boss.

We had a serious relationship crisis that day, he literally told me I needed to leave the job or else… he didn’t give a fuck and would even payed me to stay at home… (Surely he calmed down later, apologized and all good)

I was between two sides, responsible towards my friends that I dragged into this shithole and towards my relationship. I knew that I did not want to loose a guy like him over a stupid bitch’s wrongdoing. (Talking about the expecting father of my child, the best, ever, caring loving relationship)

Anyway, I was useless by day two. Then Fernando, tha boss, came up asking me what was up, I told him straight up. This was in no way correct from them. I bet he did not know many things until that conversation, for example that I pulled the whole company together, either that we won’t be able to make weekly changes of theme. That working with your body needs days off… He was sold a dream on crack.

I surely told the bitch too. I guess she remembered a more submissive little girl from years before. She really thought she could get away with all.

Surely, truth was, once again, her shit, promising something without nailing down with the boss, lying on both sides.

I think her plan was to get my contacts and come up with a sorry excuse to sack me during the first weeks of rehearsals… Making me feel like shit of not being a professional dancer, since we know I am a aerialist, that excuse kinda never was to work.

Note: Know who and what you are!! The works of a chef and an aerialist does not overlap and for a reason. Dancer and acrobat maybe, but if you were ever near performing, or watched Step up (haa, bet you did) then you know how is it to ask even dancers to shuffle their style and learn another style.

So, yes, you might or might not dance as an acrobat, but expecting you to be a licensed dancer without you ever stating anything near that is abusive.

Or once again, if pro dancer-acrobat needed hire one.

(Clear up: I consider myself a pole dancer and a burlesque dancer, my dance skills are not bad, but the demand here was exhausting even for the professionally trained dancer)

I was stupid, I thought maybe she was feeling some guilt for the shit from years before, so this way she wanted to somehow make it up to me, and to karma… haha! Idiot I was.

Sidenote: do not karmatise too much. There is no need to look for karma in fart, as more spiritual peopld say.

I was about to leave the first week, it was too much, too little, too bad. So, my friend (more about her soon) talked me into staying, we are in this together, we will make this fun, and it is only one person that causes my troubles, etc. “Oh look at her, what is she compared to you” “She just wants to badly make it and not know how.”

These two became best friends in two weeks term, just to state the obvious.

There was an original agreement of the 6, that we would stick together as a real company if shit was to go down. Well, in this conversation she made it clear that she was not leaving even if they lower her salary or leave her in unlivable conditions, because she badly needed this job, I had to understand…So much for loyalty.

I was the public enemy from day one, as you see.

Why? Because I opened my mouth. I have been an international performer since 2009, stripper since 2006, I have seen way too many places, worked way too many gigs and festivals to see something was desperately wrong here.

Tha Diva

Good excuse the directorissima came up with. I was behaving like a diva. Why? Because I asked for water while rehearsals, I told we needed warm up time. We needed time to practice solos, which never happened. I pointed out things in general. She needed to stop smoking while walking around on stage, she was a constant threat with her cigarettes to us. You know burned thighs are not cool on dancers. Also stop being high on weed the whole day.

But, I was tha diva, the unprofessional, the one that causes the problems.

Constant psychological abuse

“Carino, you really have a lot to learn as an artist” mean tone, mean eyes… was like the friendliest of her comments, the first week was loud of her exclamating my name. Calling me out to “special talk” every hour. I was the weakest spot in the dance (which I was not), because I could not make perfectly the coreographies at first try. There was 5 more in the same situation, though, that is just normal, we were under lot of pressure, but I, out of 3 acrobats and 3 pro dancers, I had to be picture perfect upon the first try.

It was not personal…She said. Wasn’t it? The bash down mixed with skizofreniac changes to friendly, how she understood I was no dancer (belittling, belittling).

Also coming up and correcting a coreography without being able to do it the same way twice herself. Correcting something then correcting it back as it was, telling us we were wrong all the way.

On the last of my patience, one day, there was a sudden change. The bitch calmed down, she became friendly. She backed off from our rehearsals and let the coreographer work his magic.

I got to know weeks later from Fernando, that he saw what was happening and tripping over how someone can behave like her, so she got a higher call to calm the fuck down otherwise she would be out of job soon. (I mean, if we can believe a man, who fails to pay the salaries of 10+ people 6 months later)

And we were still at the first week of rehearsals…


Was a granny smelling, literally filthy old. 8 m2 room with two bunk beds for the 4 of us, in an old house. No locks on rooms.

The only beauty was the garden and the view.

Kitchen as filthy as possible, and with a continous food disappearance, that is by the end of the dag you had nothing of the food you left in the fridge in the morning.

Bathrooms the same, one day even my towel was stolen, let along all shampoos and shower gels.


20 euros per day for food in an extremely expensive village with no supermarket at a walkable distance. Best for special diets or any heathy eating, the nearest veggie and food shop was a 20+ min walk with prices tripling the Bcn ones.

There was no way of actually having groceries since by the next morning everything were gone as the construction workers and the gogo dancers and the bar staff was also accomodated in the same house.

We were supposed to get dinner once “real work” started. Well, that started off with fried chicken breasts salads and rice, hardly fulfilling after 10 hours of dance…
As days passed by the amounts were less and less, vegetarians(2) were left with the same fried veggies every day, the quality went down to pre-made half done half still frozen, half rotten salad served the second day in a row… Reaching the wonderous heights of unedible/wonderifitspoisonous.
Until one fine day we were just left without dinner without any notice…

Then some days later dinner appeared again in a wee better state…

I could actually state that we were almost starved (or without almost.)

We fed off protein shakes, protein bars, tuna salad, microoven rice and sandwitches, when we could actually slip out to the bar next door.

It surely is fun to have to spend a considerable amount on not starving to death of your already way too low salary.


The lodging was a good 40 minutes walk on the roadside (oh so very safe) or a 5 min car ride. We were told, that there would be a minivan to get us to and from work every day…
That ended up in car rides in the car of the directorissima with two contorsionists in the trunk…

Or most of the time walking down if you wanted breakfast.

We were living in the Voliére.

To sum up nothing was as it was agreed upon or promised.

So you wonder why on earth I stayed?

With people you trust you can trick yourself too much. As everyone acted as if this was normal, I was always the odd one out, the uncontent, the rebel.

We were drifted very far from reality.

The main attraction of our show said these places are all over the islands and it is the same deal, abusive and shit, but at the end of the season you go home with good money… I came to realize this was just as much of a lie as anything else she said.

I kept going, because I believed in the 5 friends I was with, I thought we were like family (stupid thought of a circus girl), I was very, but very wrong.

I also believe that the weekly or twice a week visits of my boyfriend got me not to break out. (We had a friend’s house left for us in the next village every time he came)

The Voliére experience – enough is enough – vol. 1

This is a long and covering every single dirty detail post, so if you don’t want to read drama this is not your post.

Since it gets way too long, I decided to make it into various posts.

Here you can find the facebook page of what it was, I could not find the webpage any longer:ère-Restaurant-Cabaret/759956577371556

Web was:


Introduction and basic conclusions

The project was the following, a dinner show at a beach resort in Spain. Sounds fairly simple, right?

The following was my personal performer horror story, the worst ever experience of my entire career.

I was approached around February at first by a girl, who back in the stripper days was my flatmate, my boss, my muse, my worst critic and basically without me ever knowing my worst enemy. I did keep my enemies the closest back then, that is for sure. I intentionally lost all contact with her over 2008 and 2009, where as a culmination she ended up threatening me for not finishing a costume she never payed me for, among other pieces of costumes she never payed me for. And another momentum in our relationship was her histeria, when I got the same fee for a performance as she did on a festival. ( because I, amongst all the performers deserved less money, she thought)
From 2012, however, we started approaching, she got me a contract (for her share of money, not for the love of the art, obviously) and from there in 2013-2014 we saw each other twice on a faux friendly term.

Conclusion: never make up with your enemies.

In 2014 February, she turned somewhat suspiciously nice, and surely for a reason. She wanted me in a project. Now I was an established artist in her eyes, which I found hard to believe.

Conclusion no. 2.: there are some people that just cannot accept you no matter what you do, what you achieve, how much you work your ass off or crave their approval, yes, it might be your mother, your father, your best friend, a coreographer, another artist, etc.

The proposal was: a beach resort dinner show for three months. 120 euros a day for 3 aerial numbers.

Breathe in and keep calm!

I straigh on told her that to begin with I would not climb on an aerial hoop for less than 150 euros, and 3 solos are just excessive, if not a joke for this money… Well, she is a good talker, between ” ay, carino”s and funky giggles, she explained, that this would be 2-3 min appearances on stage, impacting, rather than a full 5 min aerial hoop act 3 times at the highest of my skills. So I gave it a thought, that I should have not. Dinner and housing in a luxury villa.

Conclusion no. 3: never give second and least third or fourth chaces to people that fucked you over big time in the past. Bad producers and managers won’t change!! They do not!! They just hire the next idiot to exploit once you left, and believe me, there are plenty of idiots.

In two months I was in, with the sidenote, that if another contract come I wouldn’t be. In fact, I was to earn over 3000 euros at a beach resort 2 hours drive from my home with a signed contract, insured and all. At this point my fear was that she would just cancel last minute, but no way, future was once again way more trickier than this. Peace of mind was going to see the massive preparations on the location.

I am stupidly naiv and not money oriented. Sad fact. This girl had hardly any contacts with the professional circus or dance circuits (that hardly any, already turned her down, and for a reason) All I wanted, on the meanwhile, was getting my beloved, starving, or not so starving Bcn circus family a good opportunity.

So what did I do?

Stupidly enough, ended up doing her job, finding the entire crew.

Note, there is a big difference between recommending another act and handpicking a cast of 6 people. Never do the latter unless you are getting payed for.

The saddest conclusion, no. 4: do not help out your friends, if they are jobless loosers, believe me, there is a reason to it, still making them perfectly capable to stab you right in the back.

So as the start date approached the conditions were fastly changing.
We were already talking about two weeks of unpaid rehearsals with only meals and housing provided. In fact our directorissima only wanted a week of rehearsals (cuz she can fart a broadway show right on stage in a split second), but we all thought it would not be enough. She refused having them in Barcelona, where each and every body resided except for her and we could have easily had a dance studio even for free.

Somehow we were all of a sudden talking about two solos and duo for us, acrobats of 6 min length.

Oh and dances?… Five group coreographies broadway / crazy horse style. No mirrors, no autocorrect, no proper ways of rehearsals.

Either we were told that we were not to have a day off. In 3 months time.

All fragments of information tossed to us over various vague whatsapp messages. Rather messages about what color our costumes should be and how was our solos, than anything else. Girly giggly bullshit.

Conclusions no. 5-7.: whatsapp is not acceptable form of business communication. period.

Never get into shady business proposals, the minute a serious condition changes in a shady ‘oh, but I did told you, don’t you remember?’ way, just walk, and know, that nope you were not told.

Don’t let yourself be manipulated and bevare the infamous ‘but we are professionals’ tagline. It only serves to corner the weaker minded.

Our contracts and social securities were nowhere to be found, “en tramite” as of, always next week.

Conclusion no.8.: If in doubt get a signed contract or pre contract. You can write it yourself, if needed. Do it!

More to come…