Lately there are just way too many blogs and articles popping up getting into how fearless, kick-ass, empowered, alpha, rocking, self-sufficient, etc women are, or should be.
I find it problematic, moreover confusing.
If I was to be one of the above do I need any article carassing my ever so healthy self esteem?
Giving me a list of my ‘longcomings’ (yes, I just made this word up) and brilliance? (point 1-5. Check! awww, shit 6. Ain’t me, urghh better make it then??WTF?)
Let’s take this clear and face forward. Belonging or not to any of the above, not so defined cathegories.
We all want to belong there.
What 21st century woman wants to be any of the opposite?
We have the bar set up pretty high, and with it we, women, once again got to score a goal against ourselves.
We gather in little hordes of girlfriends, mostly single, desperate and insecure to the bone, to fuel that little self esteem we hide to face the big bad world all alone…
So what we really have is loads of half-way successful (mostly never succesful enough by default) little girls trying to fill that big girl pants society and/or family and/or partners (oh yes, love, yes) entitled them to wear.
In result, we are a generation raised by seriously dameged goods as parents.
I see our parents as grown old children, who only saw the aim of growing up to being able to pay all the damage done by the authority of society and family upon them straight back to the next generation. (This is a simplified take)
They flew from under the wings of their parents straight into marriage and parenthood without ever facing their shortcomings, and there they started to pay it all ‘back’.
Do you still get relationship advice, if not straight obligations from your mom, who have not had a sexual relationship for years, not even with your father, who she lives with?
Career advice from your life-long stay at home mom?
Advice from dad to tone down the boogie in your feet and be calm, stay at home do nothing at age 16-20?
And examples can go on forever.
They are damaged goods raising another generation of damaged goods.
We need to break the cycle.
Become who and whatever we actually are. Not only superhero, self-sufficient, lady crossfit wonder woman types.
I would be lying to say I do not consider myself a strong woman, but I did a serious internship with life, my own life! Not, what mom and dad wanted or my boyfriend or my husband, or society or what other else outer force.
I learned, the hard way, I was damaged goods, doing all the fuckups damaged goods do.
Was I superladywonderwoman when I was married to a full blown psychological abuser (shadow man, as coined here: http://kellymarceau.com/sexy-conscious-awake-women-shed-light-on-unconscious-shadow-men/)?
No way, but I had shit to put in place in my head and I did.
Now it is over, not over yesterday, but over years ago, and I still am cautious about what I go around advising others in a similar situation.
What I see now is little girls fiddling in their enormous big girl pants, reparting life advice like candy without the leastest of ideas.
And I, need to admit, am one of the causes. I self-trained many of these girls, suprised by people’s abilities of twisting shit around, let that be example or advice.
And now, car crash.
I did spent hours helping a friend set up her local performer prices, just to see her 6 months later doing low end gigs for 25 euros a night at a place, that is only taking her to a mental institution.
I set another friend in the direction of aerial arts just to listen to her talking to a cirque the soleil aerialist, selling herself as the most professional aerialist, while she haven’t touched an apparatus in a year.
I was a personal psychologist, big sister, half mom, flatmate and whatnot to another friend, just to be asked to carry suitcases in my 4th month of pregnancy, not being able to clean my ass in the toilet without her talking, complaining and self assuring, and then after all, she leaves with a days notice, leaving us flat bankrupt with the rent to be payed in 2 days. She, the one now giving relationship advices, as a good alpha female, without being able to hold up a healthy, not abusive relationship in the last 5 years… Leaving the stage all hurt and victimized, but getting onto the wild as the aplha queen of the universe, whose life is so exceptionally hard…
Whose fault is all this?
You cannot train alpha females!!
It is not an english language course. So here comes the uselessness of all articles about how one is like or should be.
Because the real ones are a million other way… here would come the punline of and they give no smokin’ sh#t about your opinion… but not even that, they might even do, if you are someone worth listening to.
Find your own way and personality please and forget about these self assuring articles.
We are human, we all need to learn.