It has been a long term relationship.
Burlesque picked me up when nobody would have given a broken penny for me. Gave me a marvelous and full time career and the opportunity of becoming a professional circus performer. (A lot more than what I can tell you about my parents.)
And ten years on, in a limbo of life, she forgot about me completely, without a formal notice about our break-up.
I tried other relationships. But nothing felt so true as my relationship with burlesque. (Ok, circus is an ongoing one, though)
The box, the drawer, the bag, the tag
I have got the sickness. I am the “aerial act”. Nobody cares if you are good or bad in burlesque, because if there is no rigging point you won’t get hired…EVER. Nobody believes you can be just as good of a performer as any of the other girls without any formal training of anything theater or dance related…
Which I am not. I honed and worked my acts for years, and believe me in circus it is a bit more than rhinestones and a couple of rehearsals.(sarcasm) And what do I get? “Do you have something new?” “Can you do this ´theme´ act?” It feels quite insulting, as they literally ask me to NOT do my bestest.
So I see everyone who just started doing aerials get all the works (which is awesome, I also started there), while I get bleak responses from producers about why they don’t even bother to consider me, or not even that… It is a puzzling sensation of insecurity and self-doubt. I wonder if the older acts than myself felt the same with myself and the other like minded newer-girls.
I always wanted to do “just” burlesque, but I guess as the wind was quite in my sails I was OK not pushing harder that much on that front.
I have always been an outsider. I think I was already born an outsider, so it was also just natural to never really be that active at the local scenes of Spain.
Going back to my true roots. Yet it does still feels that it will be greatly despised by the burlesque scene, as it is too close to stripping. (a billion waddafucks there, yes sir)
– another post on that one to be…
So you guess…
I am going to do floor based acts, with a lot less technical stuff, and push to get those acts booked as well.
I am going to to polesque.
I am already a lot more active on the local scene.
We are vitalizing the Barcelona burlesque scene!!