Category Archives: Circus

The taste of success

“El éxito no tiene sabor ni olor y cuando te acostumbras es como si no existiera.”

The Past

At the very beginning I had the luck to kickstart my aerial and burlesque career at the LBF in 2009. I achieved a whole lot more of a praise that my skills were to take me to.

I was very successful for a “beginner”

Until 2012 I could really not enjoy or live any of the success. It was a struggle of survival, until I could make it all work by the end of 2012.

2013-14 were years of progress and work and some failed dreams and friendships.

Conclusion is, that at an early stage you don’t even realize what you have.

Fast forward to now

For the first year of my son’s life I was planning to do an average 1-2 shows a month, and as a matter of fact I succeeded in that…

Yet I consider this last year a very hard one professionally…

When I got pregnant I had to cancel 3 months of work and events 5 months from the date, I can say I was on top of my game, working a lot and becoming a considerably “OK” (strong upper mid-level if you please) aerialist…

I did expect it to be physically hard to get back, but I did not expect it to be so professionally miserable.

I explain.

I’m terrible at selling myself, I am full of doubts, I cannot watch a video of myself without rolling my eyes and I cannot finish a show without at least once saying how SHIT I was.

I also did want to switch scene and focus on bigger shows instead of gigs and burlesque related productions.

And obviously, I did not expect the burlesque scene going to shit on the meanwhile either.

Visibility on festivals

There comes a time in your life, when doing burlesque festivals for less than free just don’t make it… but let us be honest… I said to myself, let’s try other festivals (not Lbf, which was a safe application process always), than you get the ‘oh thank you, but…’ message…

You, established, good performer… being explained how Kittiey Mc Tittishaker (lets hope nobody owns this name yet), a two year VETERAN of the scene, entrepreneouer daredevil extraordinaire with a hiper original signature classical tribute act has a bigger ‘IT’ factor when it comes to performing… classic burlesque…

So according to facebook and the scenario, I keep being the backstreet circus chick of the show… you know the one other performers are not eager to take selfies with… yet the one to mostly finish off the show as the “strong plate”…

It felt quite unsuccessful, all this.

In reality… with the one show a month I make more money than I did with various years before…

By chance or by luck I landed doing the Barcelona Burlesque Festival, which happens to be a paid thing and goes by invitation… (and I hope they keep it that way)

By conclusion I landed a half year contract with the theater.

This is the real success.

It was hard work, performing, pulling my acts back together, even making them better. Million email, proactivity, and all.

Does it feel like bathing in champagne already?

It is great, yet I only dare to whisper it…

I am the resident aerial artist of El Molino theater…

Feels like it just disappears the moment you say it.

Now, I did not substitute someone on a gig, I did not do a couple of parties or the Festival, noo! Im there and to stay.

Yet, does the burlesque scene cares?

I tell you what, if I feather up my bio and explain it… maybe… but in reality, no shit.

And this is how success feels in the “scene”.

Even if you make it, you need to fake it.

In the city?

It is a great reference, everybody knows it, I have a two page spread photo of myself.

In reality?

I see my osteopath almost every two weeks.
I juggle a baby, a household and my sleep deprivation.
I lost 10 kgs, since baby. (I do have some killer abs, though)

Altogether, I think I am at the right track.

The Struggle

I am a very booring person.

My topics: art, my struggle with art, baby, training.(or the lack of time for it)

I am also tiring with it, constantly analyzing, writing, thinking.

Alltogether it folds out to be some kind of a never ending struggle with the limits of my body and time.

I will never be the best aerialist of the world, in fact being the best in anything is getting impossible by the day.

So at this point I want to calm myself and set out reachable goals and stop eating my soul out with unreachable expectations.

I think I’m paranoid and complicated…

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We have all seen a million and one versions of this meme, right?

In the general artists’ psyche something similar happens, and apparently I am not the only one.

You open facebook, our artists’ websites and you see and read an overflow of glamour and of “Iamthebest” attitude.

As for myself I am desperately insecure in my art, 200% aware where and what needs to be bettered (everything, everywhere, obviously!)

To begin with, being a mostly self taught artist is pretty tough, not having the guidance of a proper program or school backing me up. Never knowing if what I feel right is right at all, other than it works or not.

Asked for CV… uhmmm so what do I put in? “The Honeycup Circus Academy”, a.k.a whichever squat I frequent? Or the unfinished law school, that is completely unrelated?

Up until the past months I constantly told myeslf I was almost, but not quite there yet.

Where is the “there”?

“There”, or pro enough. Where is it? Will I be pro enough when I can heel hang or do that funky spinny move, drop 5 meters on silks, or I wont be shitting my pants whenever I need to work over 10 meters? Be hired by a very recognized company?

Hard question.

Find a pretty good answer here:

Are you ready to go pro?

So obviosly it is all in my head. By this standard I’m obviously professional, yet I keep questioning myself.

The way I see it in circus you have the completely amateur performers, who are happy to even have a chance to perform, and for any money, on the other end of the scale the Cirque du Soleil level of multi skilled acrobats, that can do literally anything, they won’t have my problems, because their skills and talent are unquestionable, so they must be full of work and success…
And like 80% of circus artists I’m in between, in this great sea of questionability of good enoughness…

Paranoias:

What if a coreographer one day asks me to perform a trick I cannot do?
What if I am asked to work on 15/20 meters height and I can’t cope?

What if I cannot do the final trick?

What if I am asked to perform whatever superhighclass dance act and I cannot spin? (never mind I am no dancer)

All paranoias, and what changed?

I sat down to edit a showreel for myself.

Up until the past months I constantly discarded my videos…

Reasons: not skilled enough, not fast enough, not slow enough, stupid face, hoop not spinning enough, a single fail of the point or the knee, a “bad”, that is for me not pretty move with the arms, not enough on the acting and I could go on and on… All in all never perfect.

I was desperately procrastinating.

I was in this bubble of making myself to believe that once I will be “good” enough, work will just flood me unsolicitedly.

I was told, and at the same did figure out myself, it is not like that, even the best acts have to work to get work…

Here comes in, the magical world of marketing yourself…

Circus girl in the burlesque world

A special paranoia. of mine.

another post.

The casting call monster!

I bet you are registered at trillion and one casting pages… Me too!

Burlesque performers, circus castings, variete castings, variety jobs, entertainment casting, etc.

But you know what?

I never ever had a job from any of the pages!

In fact I only got outrage and indignation from strolling these pages!

So, now, I am just going to pick apart some of the casting calls that have made me want to jump off the roof of a building.

Since some go back as far as 2-3 years, I won’t quote them exactly.

I am aware that with this post I am likely to loose my last chances to work with mentioned producers that can recognize themselves…

Looking for a multiskilled artist, who have costume making skills as well… for Dubai…

Basically they were looking for someone who was an actual costumier, not someone who could sew a button on.
So yours truly, aerialist on 1-2-3-4 disciplines, pole dancer, posses a fair share of flexiness and obviously even can learn a basic dance coreography, and by the fucking waay is a costume maker…

After about the 4th attempt of contact I get:

“So what else can you do?”

Maybe perform brain surgery while making a chai latte hanging upside down while sewing a button on you ass with my feet?

Looking for aerial acts to perform in a circus show, this is not a nightclub casting, please apply if you can/have experience…

Is there something like a nightclub aerialist? What is that?

Basically implies that you need to be an aerialist, not someone who had touched an aerial hoop a couple of times…

Let’s have a closer look:

An aerialist by deafault can do a show, and the girlfriend of the gogo coordinator dude is not a god damn aerialist! A chick sitting on an aerial hoop or trapeze is not an aerialist! And btw, regarding the inherent danger of the job, no gogo dancer should be sitting around on aerial apparatus on a height higher than 1 meter as most.

work 6 days a week but only perform in the shows (one a day) as there are no other duties.
You will be provided with a room for the full contract.
Fees payed include 3 meals a day, accommodation, travel and 1000 euros per month.

And be like MULTISKILLED!

OMG! Ive been dreaming my whole life about this job! 6 shows a week, needing multiple skills, but I get room and food and some pocket money! And you bet, the waiters would get a higher salary…
1000 euros a month for 6 days a week work! But you only need to do the shows! Easy-peasey, I mean you surely never need to warm up or rehearse ever!

…It’s unpaid but promises to be a great day …

I am sorry, I though that at least we were working for a couple of beers?

TV appearance

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11 am, my phone rings… referring to one of my very good friends, Tv show… they want me to perform live…
More specifically they want me to perform pole dance topless live on Tv… I’m sorry at most I could do a burlesque themed pole act that would go down to pasties… THEY WANT TOPLESS!
Btw, how much is the pay and when would be the shoot, if I am to think about it?

Oh you would get a lot of exposure and the shooting would be in 3 hours at the studio.

Comments on casting calls

We are /insert whatever they are looking for/ but oh we are /insert another town from the same cou try/ ah well, maybe some other time…

Congratulation sweetheart you just prooved, that you never ever had a professional gig!

We have our own equipment and costumes and can rig ourselves…

Since when there is a need to say that? Are there acts who cannot then? How do you work without own apparatus?

another favorite of mine:

Costumes clearly bought from the sex shop down the road.

This is the please don’t, there are so soo many costumiers around in all price ranges, just please drop a dime and get a proper costume for fuck’s sake people!

So as for professionalism I would like to direct y’all to this very well written piece:

Are You Ready To Go Pro?

Annndd Laura on costumes:

Cirque Costumes: Not To Be Confused With Your Underwear

Please note:

I’m not trying to be on the high horse here and pretend I am so perfect, I was an eager newcomer once, I still am not half as good as I would like to be, but I always respected the industry and never underpriced myself miserably.

If we all tried to be the most professional we could be the whole thing would work out so much better.

Award winning and critically acclaimed!

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I would like to start my post with this quote from this great man. (thanks facebook)

This post has been festering in me for quite a while. I am one horrible critic, and I do not spare myself either of it, also I am way too harsh in my expressions.

Award winning

Award winning is something more of a tangible thing, yet critically acclaimed is harder to grasp.

Award winning suppose an actual award to exist and suppose that the person actually won that award, prize, title, etc.

Obviously in London/Britain each and every performer has won some kind of an award, even being a part time performer not to mention bad performers, yet on the mainland we performers hardly ever get an award, even if we maintain ourselves by our art.

Then you can go and make shit up… distort information and such.

In my home country we have a lady, that a couple of years ago decided that pole dancing, stripping, aerials, and whatnot belonged to her personally. So she made Tv appearances and claimed to be a world champion stripper… Well, great, but there is no such title as is!
Obviously people in the burlesque scene would refer to the Burlesque hall of Fame and the Miss Exotic world title, but she never even competed there, so nope. Then in “stripping” (as of butt naked, or more sexual stripping – no shame, just specifying) there is a million and one competitions, with a lot less art involved.
Anyways this fair lady won a Miss Nude Canada and returned home as a world champion stripper… you see the contradiction here. (Later on she surfaced in a far away burlesque festival as well, you know just because…)

So what is this all about? Marketing! Shameless marketing…

But, at least she makes a damn good linving out of it! She is a major celebrity and even has quite some contacts and shows internationally…

So, I get it!

Yet, I cannot understand people who does this without any apparent benefit… being “famous” with nothing… getting attention, only… that is quite a trainwreck attitude… (at least for any of us trying to make a living here…)

Anyways, turning back from general shittalking about others to the point in the burlesque industry…

Award winning…. all new awards and titles and competitions popping up and guess what?

Bumm! It goes mostly to the very same people, who already had some…

So either you are a newcomer and may win something in that category or straight up forget about it, if you do not already own a couple of well polished awards up your award shelf.

Critically Acclaimed

By whom?

We all know about the marvellously written press releases, right?

I mean, you know, written by your best friend or a payed writer to put the best quotable line out there about you…

Then, let us be honest with ourselves, there is no negative criticism our so beloved community, it just cannot exist… Even when we express negative opinions we wrap it in pink so carefully, making sure we don’t burn up the bridges behind us and don’t loose precious contacts in the scene…

Nobody wants to be the troublemaker

Also the faux-positivity surfaces, as you are the badguy, when God forbids you name the person who ripped an act of yours off, because say something nice or don’t say anything at all…

You see a shit act, and nobody dares to say it out loud, you see a rip-off act and hardly nobody dares to say it out loud, yet everyone thinks the same.

All the critical good words I have out there are from LBF, and are mostly blogs…

Why?

Because, who the fuck cares about the chick from the other end of Europe, while we can review the well-known, friend of many friends local performer?

So the conclusion is that while there is not a panel of official critics that do need to review everything they actually see, and by what they actually see, this is also just another dead end street in burlescalandia.

What is success?

We jump back to the basic fact, that life is on social media. Nowhere else, but…

Or really?

Performance art is live art, and sure we can tape it, but it will never ever be the same, as it is live. In my view it looses somewhat 80% of it’s poise and energy. Therefore it is very hard to convert or to translate it into social media terms.

And here comes the tricky part, how social media gets to distort the skills a performer might have.

Well, in the world of circus, skills rule the scene, and that is hard to fake, even a photo is showing a whole lot to another professional, so evaluation is easier, there is less playing around. Surely there are differences between the success of same skill level artist with different talents in the artistic side or plain marketing.

But with burlesque, it is just insane what have been going down in the last 7 years! (read my post on the burlesque top 50… from over a year ago, yet just NOW, bigger names start to pick the topic, carefully wrapped in pink schiffon, of course, because saying it is all bollock would be too harsh…)

To answer the question.

For me, success is being able to be a full time performer, earn over 80-90% of your income from performing. Preferably performing, what and where you actually like.

Then again it is not all. Now, I absolutely can see the benefits of stepping back from full timing in order to better as an artist.

Performer stories vol. 1.

I decided to share my experiences as a performer, so with every performer story entry I will share two stories with you, a bad and a good or maybe just an interesting one.

I think it is important to see the two-sidedness of the industry and understand, that it is really not about you, when you think it is.

Bad story

Me and the major theater

This topic surfaced the other day in my kitchen between me and the Baby daddy.

I was suggesting that it might be a good idea contacting the theater for a possible contract after the baby, because they did contemplate having me as a regular piece of the show back in 2013, but the whole dealing just did not end right. He got pretty outraged and asked me why on earth I would wanna be in a shitty show, that nobody goes to watch, with all my international fame and feathers. That I would be lowering too much with it, etc., etc. Baby daddy does love me on all levels.

My points were, things have changed, as a mother I wanna do my best and that includes the longest breastfeeding period I can possibly afford this future little man.

The story itself

I was approached to take part of the first Barcelona burlesque festival, needless to say in 2011 I was in the clouds, so happy. This, recently reopened mythical theater wants me in a line-up next to Catherine D’lish, Ursula Martinez, Jess Love and all the others, woowww.
Especially regarding the fact, that a year earlier I left Bcn very disappointed with performance as a whole. (Discrimination? Yup, hon, if you’re not catalan and hipergay or willing to sleep with whomever you need to, just bury yourself)

Festival was pretty much the best ever I attended to this day. Show was dynamic, the line-up was over the top. Even the competing newcomers showed very high skills.
(So far, the festival is a blast every year, I still recommend going to this event)

Downside, no fucking proper rigging… My ahh so prepared silks act had to be modified into an improvisation on hoop… absolutely not bad for that year though.

Straight forward 2013.

I just jumped off a plain with an aerial hoop and a suitcase, ready to take back my city! I had the first shows nailed with a producer I used to work very well, looking for contracts, decided to rent a place in the forthcoming months.

First job right in mentioned theater. Great! Now they installed a truss, 9 meter high rigging point, supersweet!!

First technical check.

The owner walks in. We met briefly, but I never thought she remembered me or anything (my humble side).
Straight to me, she was very happy to see me back, was I staying for longer. I told her I was moving back.

Booom! How would I feel about a steady contract, all legal, insured, etc, 7 shows a week, would I be cool to learn some coreographies in the show etc. I should come down and see the most recent show, invited.
Anyways, office gets the papers done will call in 2ish weeks.

I literally left the place with tears of joy in my eyes…

Just to get them turned into real ones in about 2 months.

Nothing is done until it is done. – never forget that. Don’t get too excited.

So, a girl from the office was to call me. I had this funky feeling about her from the beginning… (hush, don’t listen to your instict, she must be lovely, blabla – said my conscious mind… while the unconscious said, trouble ahead)

3 weeks pass.

Nothing.

I kept doing the parties, so I was all around the theater every other week. Nothing.

I got my ‘manager’ (*khm* – best friend and occasional assistant) to call, erh-umph excuses, they would be in touch…

Another one or two weeks pass.

You see, at this point I was a full-time performer (like always as not for pregnancy), so I needed to schedule my shit in order to do anything.
So on a last attempt I dragged my ass up to the office to clear this up.

There was ‘my gal’ and it breaks down to the fact, that the owner never said, what she said, the offer was rather to have me a couple of times, if needed (wtf???) for certain events. The festival? Most likely yes, but they would contact me anyways…

Yuppi fucking yaaay!!! and thanks for making me loose about 2 months with excitement about nothing.

Life goes on, story does not end still. If you were to think that was not humiliating enough, you were wrong.

So the festival approaches, the way I actually get to know I was not in it? You bet. The promo video comes out.

Classy…

Then the Festival is on. I GET A CALL. omg, with suspicion… I hoped it was not the dragging around for nothing again….

They want me to go in for a rehearsal, the coreorgrapher needs to see me and try me.

Now this sounded more professional.

I’m there, the ‘world famous’ coreographer 3 meters in front of me, his assistant running up and down, every communication going through 4 different people’s mouth (I am not exagerrating here!!).

Nothing. Could I come back tomorrow, the corepgrapher is way too stressed to deal with anything else, than the rehearsals… Sorry for dragging you around so much.

Evening, invited to the show. I went alone, going to say hi to my gal, I see her talking to the one single ‘performer’ I would never share the air with.

And

Kabammm!!!

She was there for the very same reason!! Apparently the coreographer (remember so ‘world famous’ that he could not communicate only via 4 messengers?) would choose, based upon ‘PROFESSIONAL’ measures… (like skills, dance skills, you know, maybe a casting????)

Nooo!!!

No casting nothing. The decision was already made.

She took the deal for a 100 euros a night, that is 25 euros per number, two weeks contract.

I never got to be offered a price, and believe me I was not about to accept this.

She won. I lost.

The news were full of how the theater was on the verge of bankcrupcy. Now I could see. I met the dancers, that left that time, half of them, after 3 months without being payed.

The theater survived, I did two more gigs there, than I never returned.

Loosing against a better competitor is something you can take, inspires betterment.

Loosing against a joke of a ‘performer’ is simply soul draining.

Strange detail as well, while on the verge of bankcrupcy, they did get to hire Bambury Cross, and I do doubt she was to be anything cheap. (getting her from London, renting a place, etc.)

Bottom line, you cannot be a prophet in your home country or pseudo-home country either.

And now:

Good story

Turkey

A.k.a Wonderland.

Story begans in 2010.

The resraurant was called Joke Circus.

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Do you remember myspace? I do.

So one day, shortly before the 2010 LBF, I get a message written in the shittiest English ever, the kinda you wouldn’t even answer so bad. Let along through myspace.

It is a Turkish dude interested in hiring me, Chaz recommended me. Scattered, language barrier, not even the dates were very fixed… Altogether, something you would never take seriously, but I thought harm it cannot do to answer anyways.

It was for Istambul (superexciting!) for a brand new place. So, I decided if they agree to pay the trip upfront, then my, at the time maybe escalated (I thought, while I was still underpricing myself) fee, I was good to go.

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It took up until almost last minute to close the deal, I was to go almost straight after LBF, since I was already confirmed to appear there, it was the Icelandic vulcano year, so shit got pretty complicated all the way.

At the closing night of LBF, I remember Velma asking for my availability the next weeks and me being sorry for being booked right after… we either suspected that we were to meet withing the next week at the other far end of Europe 😃.

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LBF, with all issues, shenanigans, travel problems, etc., went off. Some major housing drama back home. Limbo between Budapest and Bcn started. Drama with icing on top.

(Additional relationship advice: you know these partners, with whom everything turns into major drama? Yup, ex-hubby was one of them, get the fuck away from these people, when it starts, without further waiting, because it will only get worse)

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So by the time I was to catch the flight to Istambul, I couldn’t even think of being worried about the what ifs. The proper Turkish airline flight with food and all was so soothing, after days of saving my stuff out of my own former (and actual) home and literally being homeless for days, that I could just not expect anything.

I arrive, I get picked up by a shoffeur, cool, excitement setting in.

It could be the best and the worst experience, anyways, two weeks in the exciting land of where my actual not artistic name comes from.

I arrive, cute little 4 starry hotel…

I get the suit!!!! WTF? Great. Relax. Unpack. Stretch. I was to be picked up every evening for performance, soon to meet Anji and Mert. (the dude with funky english)

I think we had technical check in the afternoon. The restaurant was lavish, luxurious, I swear each fork was to be over 4000 euros of worth. I guess in the west we miss some point about luxury… and hospitality.

Do I know Velma? She is here too. That was the beginning of a friendship.

I was also introduced to the other restaurant, where our daily lunch was to take place… on the top floor of a shopping mall, if can imagine delicious turkish food! I asked for the daily turkish meal every day.

I repeat, the west has serious things to learn about hospitality from the Turkish.

I enjoyed every bit of my stay, the sushine, the city,the food, all of it!

My mom came for visit too, hotel and food payed for her, too.

What else can you ask for?

I was more than lucky, yet it took me years to realize the importance of all this. To have this all sink in. The luck. The blind luck I had.

I also realized I could have asked for the double of the fee I was asking… beginner, I thought… (yet, I was very well payed)

Secong chapter was Cyprus last year.

Altogether.

Dream job.

Fin.

The difference between what there is and what we perceive

My titbit.

I was deeply depressed at the time of the Turkish contract, constantly being paranoid about my artistry.

I was a very insecure performer, especially as a circus act. They had 3 Mongolian contorsionists, and a Ukranian multiskilled yougster fresh out of circus school. Needless to say, I felt like shit.

What was I doing there? I was obviously below the level… I thought.

The fact that everyone had a longer contract also confirmed my feelings…

Yet, 4 years later I was called, because I was a great act and they did love me back in 2010.

So don’t beat up yourself, you might as well be a lot better than you think you are.

^.-

We are professionals

Never let yourself cornered by the “we are professionals” flagline.

I guess this happens during the first years of a performers life, when people want to push your prices down because you are new, not “good enough”, not skilled enough, not cirque du soleil enough, but mostly just not confident enough.

But let’s face it we will never be good enough…

Without self-esteem, self-respect and integrity, we go nowhere. (not only in performance art, but in life either)

My experience came on many levels, I was, and maybe still am sometimes (fucking saa-a-aad) the idiot to take advantage of.

Nevertheless, on the professional level, is where I could face and cut this problem the best.

Whatever and whenever I started I faced and am facing this problem.

Advices like and comments like:

“….you’re new you should set your prices below the other dressmakers around here to set up a costumer base…”

“…you say you’re an established performer, although we have never heard of you, but XY was on the cover of… magazine”

“…we get established British pop stars for less and you should consider this as a vacation…”

“…you still have a lot to learn… hoooney…”

“…you’re not much of a big deal…”

“… I don’t think you’ll ever create something truly original…”

Etc.

Not made up, all said to me.

So woahhh, where does all this disrespect come from? What is wrong with people?

Be clear. People saying any of these, are the ones just a wee too eager to cover their own lack of the professsionelle…

Let say, you do two weeks of aerial training and then apply to whatever famous company. Well, I really doubt that a truly busy and succesful company would have the time or the energy to personally go out their way of creation and shame and humiliate you for the sake of it…

Surely artists lifes are hard, filled with disappointment and rejection. (and art, beauty, inspiration, creation, magic, sparkle, glitter, sunshine etc. To avoid being all tragic)

The fellow

The owner of the best and worst advice. Here you need to carefully choose whose advice you ask from and derived from there whose advice you take, as there are jealousies going a lot farther than you think.

Better take advice from your elders (not necessarily by age), rather than fellow beginners. Fellow beginners might have all the good will, but just not enough knowledge and experience.

The “boss”-es

“Yeah, but how about 80 euros for 5 aerial numbers a night? I mean our dancers only get 50 euros…” – Good for them…

“So you could actually make the costumes as well, that way you could earn a little extra (dinerito)…” – before or after rehearsing 10-12 hours a day?
The next time anyone says “dinerito” heads will roll for sure in Melittalandia.

The never to be costumer

So why inquire for a quote, if you are unwilling to pay anything over the price of a double cheese burger and are from the other far end of the globe?

The producer with no idea

“Can you do an hour long aerial act?” – Sure no problem….

” I would like to hire your burlesque act for my children’s party…” – I made this up, but I guess you get it.

Family and (not so) romantic partners

Unsupportive family is one thing, but a romantic partner, who does not support or respect your art is just devastating.

“… I don’t think you’ll ever create something truly original…” – this comment marked the beginning of the end of a marriage… with other things, but this burned deep into my skin.

All those thinking they know better what fits you

They think this or that music, style would fit you, etc. Unrequested, but thank yoy.

Go and find your own style.

Integrity

Wikipedia

So tell me, which is better, telling the truth by saying you never got payed for that job, which was also a disaster on all levels (hearing “Oh babe, how negative…” from the background), or telling everyone how all was fine and dandy and a lovely experience (just because you were on all fliers and admitting that this “peak” of your career was plain bullshit?)
Who is the professional here? Who has integrity?

Have morals and ethics.

Self-respect

If it feels wrong, humiliating, cheap, abusive, most likely it is. Get out of there. Now, on the first quirky comment that pushes your buttons or at latest the second, because there will be a third, a millionth of it. Then deeds. Then regrets, of you not leaving earlier and wasting time.

Listen to your gutt. Respect yourself.

Self-esteem

You need it, desperately, we all do.

Look in the mirror and see who you are as an artist, better to overvalue yourself than to undervalue.

Final conclusion

So be careful, screaming professional does not always mean being professional.

The aerial artist and the pregnancy – part 3 – Second trimester

Confessions

Feels strangely natural.

Up untiI month 6 I looked like I was in my 3rd-4th month.
I have the smallest belly ever, but an exceptionally healthy pregnancy (for all you paleo naysayers)

From the first time you note the babymovement to the last weeks of the trimester it gets cooler and cooler, now I know if its his hands or head and he responds to movement and calling.

On the meanwhile I get heavier in the evening, I start to sleep a lot again and being sleepy and tired just because.

Baby’s movements are getting stronger every day. He is very active.

Training

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Well, month two-four was a mess, no strength, no training whatsoever.

So, what you need to know, the nauseas don’t disappear from evening to next morning, when month 4 (salvation) sets in…Month 4 was regaining some of my strength, one day in, one day out of nausea, and around the end the nauseas were finally absent.

I could start training.

It took me long to find, what to do. Pregnant workouts are too meek for us, doing your training is too much and too risky, so after strolling the internet for answers and coming up with not much, I decided to seek professional help.

So if you are an aerial artist, get to an aerial trainer, who has qualified to teach pregnant woman too. I give you the Barcelona answer, Bea Contreras. Great teacher in general for what I see, and for us pregnant here, she is the salvation. The exercises are great to keep your core muscles and aerial fitness. Surely this is not the show offey training you would do, you look more like a spider on the wall, waiting to not be noticed. 😀

I give you some hints, no jumping, no power whatsoevers, absolutely no situps, nothing that feels uncomfortable, and nothing that contracts your abs too much.

Lot of static core exercises.

I still have two more weeks to invert. Here note: I invert once or twice a class, very controlled and slow inverts with slow descents. Obviously, you need to be a skilled aerialist to do this already without pregnancy l. I mainly do it to calm my nerves with the fact that I still can. It is getting harder and I think by the time I shouldn’t I either will be able. (third trimester)

Good news, these core exercise trainings can go until you give birth, if you can..

Abs

It’s not that you loose then, it’s that you cannot use them. Because they hurt! Or at least feel very uncomfortable.

So now I look like a tiny bag of potatoes, when I roll out of bed. Turning to side, helping with my arms. I had to say goodbye to my general power sit up jump out of bed ‘routine’. Once again, I could, but I shouldn’t.

We are also backing up on abs as a whole on training.

My midwife told me it is already time to back up to mild stretching only, because I am too muscular and for a natural birth I need to have as relaxed abs as it can be.

I take her advice and am gradually taking back. Week 28, no inverts any more, either abs.

It is a dilemma to back off all the way or not… The inner aerialists panics in me, while the mom wants the best for the baby. I take a middle path by my personal logic and knowledge of my body.

Sleep

Month 5. Put a pillow below the side of your belly… Really. My nights were somwhat sleepless until I figured this.

Food

We are very healthy, so my midwife said, eat whatever you are eating to be this healthy, so I do.

Honestly, it is not black magic to eat well. You have google, in this we are friends, unlike in negative advice… Look for recipes, variations.

Most importantly.

Eat fresh!!!

Forget the supermarket! Do your groceries at the freshest places possible. Meat shop, veggie and fruit shop. If you can, find the ones that have the freshest products.

Right now I am very happy with casa Ametller, the veggies are delicious, and you have the 24 or 12 hour stickers. Superfresh. Also great goat and sheep yogurts on a good price.

Eat colorful! Eat varied!

Tadamm, that is all.

I cheat more than general nowadays. (I have a serious croissant craving going on)

I was never good digesting raw stuff, so I keep my raw eatings to fruits mostly, I oven, cook and steam veggies.

Titbits and thoughts

It runs through my head how I had this conversation with a friend about not wanting children and wanting to travel and see the world and how that changed all of a sudden…

Never tell wanna be cloth diapering moms they cannot or it’s a crazy idea, least use the term, “You’ll see how you end up using normal diapers….”

“Normal diapers” are not fucking normal!!! I understand how babies can have super diarrheas, that for travel it might not be the best idea, etc. But going straight to the notorious ” Honey you’ll see…”

Honey, you’ll see how in the real world you will not get a job with that pink hair/amount of visible tattoos…

You’ll see, there’s no way to become a circus artist if you were not born into circus, or were not a gymnast…

I hate the”you’ll see…”-s

Meaning.

You’ll see how you will fail, but I won’t.

Now you’ll see!

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