“El éxito no tiene sabor ni olor y cuando te acostumbras es como si no existiera.”
At the very beginning I had the luck to kickstart my aerial and burlesque career at the LBF in 2009. I achieved a whole lot more of a praise that my skills were to take me to.
I was very successful for a “beginner”
Until 2012 I could really not enjoy or live any of the success. It was a struggle of survival, until I could make it all work by the end of 2012.
2013-14 were years of progress and work and some failed dreams and friendships.
Conclusion is, that at an early stage you don’t even realize what you have.
Fast forward to now
For the first year of my son’s life I was planning to do an average 1-2 shows a month, and as a matter of fact I succeeded in that…
Yet I consider this last year a very hard one professionally…
When I got pregnant I had to cancel 3 months of work and events 5 months from the date, I can say I was on top of my game, working a lot and becoming a considerably “OK” (strong upper mid-level if you please) aerialist…
I did expect it to be physically hard to get back, but I did not expect it to be so professionally miserable.
I’m terrible at selling myself, I am full of doubts, I cannot watch a video of myself without rolling my eyes and I cannot finish a show without at least once saying how SHIT I was.
I also did want to switch scene and focus on bigger shows instead of gigs and burlesque related productions.
And obviously, I did not expect the burlesque scene going to shit on the meanwhile either.
Visibility on festivals
There comes a time in your life, when doing burlesque festivals for less than free just don’t make it… but let us be honest… I said to myself, let’s try other festivals (not Lbf, which was a safe application process always), than you get the ‘oh thank you, but…’ message…
You, established, good performer… being explained how Kittiey Mc Tittishaker (lets hope nobody owns this name yet), a two year VETERAN of the scene, entrepreneouer daredevil extraordinaire with a hiper original signature classical tribute act has a bigger ‘IT’ factor when it comes to performing… classic burlesque…
So according to facebook and the scenario, I keep being the backstreet circus chick of the show… you know the one other performers are not eager to take selfies with… yet the one to mostly finish off the show as the “strong plate”…
It felt quite unsuccessful, all this.
In reality… with the one show a month I make more money than I did with various years before…
By chance or by luck I landed doing the Barcelona Burlesque Festival, which happens to be a paid thing and goes by invitation… (and I hope they keep it that way)
By conclusion I landed a half year contract with the theater.
This is the real success.
It was hard work, performing, pulling my acts back together, even making them better. Million email, proactivity, and all.
Does it feel like bathing in champagne already?
It is great, yet I only dare to whisper it…
I am the resident aerial artist of El Molino theater…
Feels like it just disappears the moment you say it.
Now, I did not substitute someone on a gig, I did not do a couple of parties or the Festival, noo! Im there and to stay.
Yet, does the burlesque scene cares?
I tell you what, if I feather up my bio and explain it… maybe… but in reality, no shit.
And this is how success feels in the “scene”.
Even if you make it, you need to fake it.
In the city?
It is a great reference, everybody knows it, I have a two page spread photo of myself.
I see my osteopath almost every two weeks.
I juggle a baby, a household and my sleep deprivation.
I lost 10 kgs, since baby. (I do have some killer abs, though)
Altogether, I think I am at the right track.
I am a very booring person.
My topics: art, my struggle with art, baby, training.(or the lack of time for it)
I am also tiring with it, constantly analyzing, writing, thinking.
Alltogether it folds out to be some kind of a never ending struggle with the limits of my body and time.
I will never be the best aerialist of the world, in fact being the best in anything is getting impossible by the day.
So at this point I want to calm myself and set out reachable goals and stop eating my soul out with unreachable expectations.