I keep meeting ladies, who can’t stop yabbering about how much they don’t understand why they cannot find a ‘good man’, cuz they are ‘soo good and kind’ people and where the hell is fucking karma fixing this shit!??
Well, I learned some things spending the last 29 years in this world. So unsolicited life advice from tha Mielitta Cup of Sweetness…
Expecting and blaming karma, God, Allah, luck, our horrible childhood or who or whatever is great, but we, women choose our partners! Or at least we should!
So you obviously see, if you just fell for the dudes sticking or kinda sticking the longest to you, well, I just discovered your first problem and it did not cost you money.
I have personally been through all sorts of nightmarish relationships, drug addict, sexual abuser, passive-agressive sociopath (just like my mother, no coincidence), narcissists of all kinds, the kindest sexual sadist (no kidding), etc.
So you bet, for this array of ‘fun’ you surely need a ‘background’, BUT, talking to friends I realize, that girls with just fine backgrounds also fall in the same ditch.
Because, they get to think, that all there is…
better with ‘him’ than alone…
too old to be single at age 29…
too old to not hold up a year+ relationship at age 24…
not that pretty…
not that smart…
I tend to say, if you want a good guy you need to clear the way! He won’t come close, if you’ve got an idiot blocking his view.
Assholes are a zillion and one out there, but the good guys, they are a lot harder to find, and many times are taken by the smarter and faster.
I get to realize how utterly important a good partner is right now, now, that I am pregnant. And I thank my bestest of luck to have found this man. I mean, now, I am with a man, 3 years my minor, but a MAN, from top to bottom, I can stay at home, I am taken care of, actually we mutually take care of each other, I do a lot more of a housewife for now, until I can start flying on aerials for a living again. (and hey, if you straight think it’s all about the money, then your values are not at place here, it’s about everything else)
So, if you ever want children, you don’t just want, you NEED a good man. Otherwise you end up having two children and I can tell you, the smaller will be the one giving you less problems.
I realized, that all the array of pseudo-males I had before were looking for a mommy they could also fuck. Well, since Mr. Csernus (hungarian psichyatrist) we know how sick is that and how those relationships end (underline this word).
A relationship doesn’t need to be a never ending soap opera, playing the 2583. episode.
So how to not waste your time and spot Mr. Wrong on the dot?
Listen to him.
Is he making you uncomfortable or bad about yourself?
(Let’s pretend we are all driving around a healthy self esteem, so a simple compliment would not sound as an attack on our integrity)
If yes, just walk, if you can, run, otherwise he’ll catch up.
Mr. Passive-Agressive I-need-to-boost-my-selfesteem-by-bashing-you-down
So comments like ‘Sure, you’re pretty, but beauty doesn’t last, what will you have to offer once it’s gone…’
Or ‘I though you get a better education in this corner of the universe…’ ‘Oh, insert your job, is quite interesting, but there’s plenty of it, what makes you stand out?’ – Are you feeling it?
That belittling sarcasm going on, as if you are talking to an enemy, or as if on a cruel job interview. That is never a good beginning and continue is a one-way ticket to permanent psychological damage.
You think he doesn’t know? Oh he does way too well.
Calling on a girl, who had acne problems all her life over a single spot, making her feel miserable sounds like not knowing? (We are further into a relationship here)
Picking on a size XS athlete for having a cm of rather skin, than fat on her inner thighs. (Or on any size girls for any fat, she feels or not comfy with, so here you go, even us skinnies get it)
But, cannot commit/keep his dick in his pants/clean his dishes/earn his money/pay attention to anything other than play station/never moved out of mom’s, etc.
Really? Are you Russel Brand or what? I bet you believe you’re just that witty, and if so please take a microphone and make living out of it and choose another topic for date night.
So what will you be when it’s over?
Listen to the way he behaves.
That is, observe. Just lay back and observe, don’t be judgemental upfront, give him a chance, but do observe and don’t let yourself blindfolded by the picture perfect sweetness he’s telling.
So, if he’s…
Mr. Self-titled Supercaring
Engeneer or so with a high pitch job and pretty flat, no family, kids or disabled turtle to maintain, then, you bet, he can fucking pay that pineapple juice you’re taking. Why? Cuz, yes, we love it old fashioned, especially if he is obviosly looking for pussy the very same night.
Who never answers the phone, or doesn’t stick to his promises…
Who can’t stop bragging about how he helps everyone including the starving children of Africa, but never seems to help anyone, just when you are around, not even you with the grocery…
Already unzipping your jeans, while saying this…
Mr. The-world-is-out-to-get-me aka Mr. Unlucky
Pity party. Non-stop.
Listen to your insticts.
Don’t listen to your girlfriends/mother/aunt/sister pushing you in, it’s not their boyfriend to be!
Your Mom thinks, great match, cuz he’s a doctor/engeneer/rocket scientist and has money? Well, if he’s reluctant to drop a dime on dinner with you while buying his flights to Jamaica, complaining about how expensive it is to you, who is currently unemployed, may not be that much of a great match.
Something is just off, but oh he seems so decent…
Do you really want to find out what is off?
Lack of sexuality, some kind of a paraphilia, mental disorder, impotence… and all of these untreated… Imagine, pulling this guys pants down only to see some gruesome STD on the night, well, this is the same, just not with a necesserally physical problem.
Only people with the greatest need to see one, avoid psychologist or the topic of seeing one.
One of my exs told me to go and see one, around the end of our relationship, because he thought I had a sick way of sticking to him (that thing called marriage). In two sessions I got to realize how life will so continue, if I leave him, and I did, and my life continued and started to be just great like two months after the final break up.
On the other hand, he himself, would have never gone, with a past of serious childhood abuse and after hearing my results, asked me, where she studied and bashed down Hungarian universities and psychology in general… Obviously a highly educated man, willing to see outsite his own litterbox…
Here you have Mr. Wrong sorted.
‘So Mr. Right where are you???? Because I soooo deserve you, dammit. Karma you bitch you fucked me over, I’m 33 and still don’t have the guy!!!’
But Mr. Right is looking for Miss. Right. So if you, yourself, as a lady fall into the upper categories, don’t be surprised, that you are not getting any.
Having lunch with other people and a guy and out of context drops comments like ‘Oh, I love, when it hurts, because that is the only thing I can actually feel’ just won’t make you look interesting at all, rather someone with some mental issues…at age 15.
There is a big difference being cute voiced in an established relationship, in private or in the middle of a restaurant on the second date. So save sugarcoveredcherrytoppedhoneybunny for later.
I was the best dancer of the company, I was the best aerialist, I was the best climber, but the world wanted to destroy me and insert other excuses…
Ehem, so why there is no proof of any of these claims?
Calling yourself an artist and doing strange shit won’t make you an artist, it’s cute when you’re 5, but in your 30’s, well…
Don’t be desperate. No need to proove anything. Be yourself. No need to bake him a cake every day, either to shine your deepthroat skill on the first night sleeping at his place.
But I constantly seek my friends to invite me, feed me, care for me, get me jobs, and in general others to do shit for me…. ehem, INdependent you are honey… because guys observe too, you know.